"It's hard every year, it's fine." He lets himself relax slowly until his head is leaning against Michael's side. "You'd think I'd be used to it by now, it's been eleven years." The first nine were so full of survival and revenge he can't claim to have done much processing. It's just now that he has more time and space that it feels like it hits him like a truck on what is starting to feel like a far too frequent basis.
He takes another drink, considering whether to straighten up and get his shit together. No, he'll take a few more minutes. Michael doesn't seem to be... upset that he's broken down like this.
"Eleven years, and how many of them could you actually let yourself grieve?" Wow, is Michael giving emotional advice? Someone better check the thermostat in hell.
He puts his arm around his shoulders again, running his hand over Daniel's arm in a soothing kind of stroke. "If you feel up to it later, Max has got his potluck," he says. "If being around people who like you would help." Daniel, you are beloved by the people around you, better suck it up and accept it. He really was here to check on him, Daniel breaking down wasn't not on the list of possibilities. He can just lean on Michael and be sad if he wants.
"...does a single-minded pursuit of vengeance count?" Yes, he's aware it doesn't, this question might be a bit facetious.
Oh God, it's so nice. It feels pathetically good to just let Michael pet him. "I don't think I can. I just... can't perform." He snorts, he knows how that might sound from a man of his age. "Look at how much of a wreck I am just dealing with one person who likes me."
Daniel when was the last time you let someone service you? Really service and take care of you? Michael keeps stroking his side, petting him smoothly. “Perform. Jesus, Daniel.” He doesn’t sound admonishing, just a little sad. “I know how that is. Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone else know you’re hiding.” They’ll all come to check on him like Michael did.
It's been... some time. Most of his sexual relations are about him making sure the other person's needs are met. "It's not a complaint. I like being... reliable. Helpful. Wise. I just can't do it today." He gets to have one day off from being everyone's fairy godmother, right? "Thanks. I appreciate it." He knows they will, because his friends are kind people who do things like that, and he'd really prefer to avoid that. One is enough.
“You’re real reliable, D, but you don’t have to be.” Michael nudges him a little. “Trust me, I’ve curated an aura of being unreliable, I know what reliable is.” And it’s Daniel. “You don’t have to be reliable all the time.” Sometimes you can just hide in your house and cry.
Michael leans over and presses a kiss to the top of Daniel’s head. “I’ll tell everyone you’re holed up with a pile of new twinks.”
The nickname doesn't grind Daniel's gears like most do. He lets it slide. "That's kind of the point of being reliable, that you're there all the time." But yes, yes, point taken. "Though I don't think you're unreliable." He's been great, honestly.
He chuckles, then sniffs and takes another drink. "They'll all want introductions once I'm done."
That’s good to know. The look on Daniel’s face when Michael called him ‘Danny’ one time scared him off ever doing it again. One time.
“You can’t do it all the time, you’ll burn out. Anyway, I got out of the habit. I could pick it up again.” He’s mostly joking. Michael gives Daniel’s shoulders another squeeze, leaning into him. “Maybe you rented a couple from the brothel. You really know how to celebrate the holiday.”
"Yeah, I... might be feeling that." He has been reliable for a very long time. It keeps him busy, keeps him moving, keeps him from ever thinking about what he actually needs, because that's just... an endless supply of grief, it feels like.
He huffs a laugh. "I don't know if that's going to ruin my reputation or enhance it."
"Everyone will call me a hussy and shun me from society, Michael." He says this with mock-mournfulness as he takes a drink. Fortunately, he's staring at the fire rather than up at Michael. Banter is easy and low-effort, he can banter for a while.
"I'll still visit you." Pat pat. "I'll tell you tales of the outside world, and what your shop boys are getting up to. Maybe I'll even bring you pastries I stole from Max." Michael squeezes Daniel's shoulder.
"...Would it be all right if I stopped by tomorrow?" he asks, hesitant. "There's something I wanna talk to you about, but it can wait." Not too long, he'll chicken out.
"Brilliant." Daniel closes his eyes for a moment. No, he was wrong, he's all bantered out. It is nice to just sit here with another person, someone (shudder) looking after him, though he doesn't want to get used to it - it's a nice break, that's all.
"Mmm." He does glance up at the tone in Michael's voice. "Sure. I should be functional by then."
It's nice, to sit here with Daniel and hold him in front of the fire.
Goddammit, Michael's having feelings for people all over the place, what the hell.
"Do you want me to come by later with some leftovers, make sure you eat?" He might do it even if Daniel tells him no. He'll bring some by tomorrow regardless.
Michael carefully cups the back of Daniel's head and tilts it back so he's looking at Michael's face.
"Will you feed yourself?" he asks him softly. "Because if you don't take care of yourself, I'm gonna have to come back tonight to check on you. I might even bring someone." Won't he hate that?
He's only brave enough to do it because Daniel is incapacitated. "I mean it, too." Michael eases the hand to the back of his neck and presses a kiss to his forehead.
He closes his eyes and sighs a little, his eyelashes getting a bit wet as he tries to hold back another spate of tears. He'll pull away to wipe his face after a second and try to laugh it off.
"If you can steal some brownies from Max, you'll be my favourite..." Not that he'll have to steal. He's pretty sure Max will force more Christmas baking on the dinner attendees than anyone will ever be able to eat on their own.
Michael won't comment on the sudden extra dampness, just slide his hand from Daniel's neck (and maybe stroking his cheek on the way) and back into his lap.
"Brownies, check. I'll be at my most stealthy." He stands up, giving Daniel a cautious look. "You sure you'll be okay tonight?"
....Yeah, Daniel, that isn't making Michael feel better about leaving you alone tonight. He looks at him with a slightly tear-glazed look of his own, fierce and helpless.
"You wanna say that in a way that isn't gonna make me worry?" he asks, voice a little wavery.
He snorts and bumps his head against Michael's side, affectionate but tired. "I've weathered this before, I'll weather it again. You'll show up tomorrow and I'll just have a hangover. Might even be wearing trousers."
Michael runs his hand over Daniel's head, ruffling his fingers into his hair and weighing his worry over the man who knows himself best. It's not like Michael hasn't had dark nights of his own, they never got much worse than a raging hangover.
"Let's focus on those trousers," he says. "That'll be our goal for tomorrow, all right sweetheart?"
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He takes another drink, considering whether to straighten up and get his shit together. No, he'll take a few more minutes. Michael doesn't seem to be... upset that he's broken down like this.
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He puts his arm around his shoulders again, running his hand over Daniel's arm in a soothing kind of stroke. "If you feel up to it later, Max has got his potluck," he says. "If being around people who like you would help." Daniel, you are beloved by the people around you, better suck it up and accept it. He really was here to check on him, Daniel breaking down wasn't not on the list of possibilities. He can just lean on Michael and be sad if he wants.
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Oh God, it's so nice. It feels pathetically good to just let Michael pet him. "I don't think I can. I just... can't perform." He snorts, he knows how that might sound from a man of his age. "Look at how much of a wreck I am just dealing with one person who likes me."
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Daniel when was the last time you let someone service you? Really service and take care of you? Michael keeps stroking his side, petting him smoothly. “Perform. Jesus, Daniel.” He doesn’t sound admonishing, just a little sad. “I know how that is. Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone else know you’re hiding.” They’ll all come to check on him like Michael did.
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It's been... some time. Most of his sexual relations are about him making sure the other person's needs are met. "It's not a complaint. I like being... reliable. Helpful. Wise. I just can't do it today." He gets to have one day off from being everyone's fairy godmother, right? "Thanks. I appreciate it." He knows they will, because his friends are kind people who do things like that, and he'd really prefer to avoid that. One is enough.
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Michael leans over and presses a kiss to the top of Daniel’s head. “I’ll tell everyone you’re holed up with a pile of new twinks.”
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He chuckles, then sniffs and takes another drink. "They'll all want introductions once I'm done."
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“You can’t do it all the time, you’ll burn out. Anyway, I got out of the habit. I could pick it up again.” He’s mostly joking. Michael gives Daniel’s shoulders another squeeze, leaning into him. “Maybe you rented a couple from the brothel. You really know how to celebrate the holiday.”
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He huffs a laugh. "I don't know if that's going to ruin my reputation or enhance it."
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Don’t ask Michael to look at himself about that either. Rude.
“Are you telling me you can’t do anything with a ruined reputation?” He grins down at Daniel, fond. Don’t look at his face, Daniel.
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"...Would it be all right if I stopped by tomorrow?" he asks, hesitant. "There's something I wanna talk to you about, but it can wait." Not too long, he'll chicken out.
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"Mmm." He does glance up at the tone in Michael's voice. "Sure. I should be functional by then."
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Goddammit, Michael's having feelings for people all over the place, what the hell.
"Do you want me to come by later with some leftovers, make sure you eat?" He might do it even if Daniel tells him no. He'll bring some by tomorrow regardless.
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Probably, yes, he's got some charcuterie that's easy enough to throw together.
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"Will you feed yourself?" he asks him softly. "Because if you don't take care of yourself, I'm gonna have to come back tonight to check on you. I might even bring someone." Won't he hate that?
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He sighs, acquiescing. "I'll eat, I've got some stuff that's easy enough to throw together."
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"Good, I'll bring leftovers tomorrow, then."
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"If you can steal some brownies from Max, you'll be my favourite..." Not that he'll have to steal. He's pretty sure Max will force more Christmas baking on the dinner attendees than anyone will ever be able to eat on their own.
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"Brownies, check. I'll be at my most stealthy." He stands up, giving Daniel a cautious look. "You sure you'll be okay tonight?"
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And look where that got him. The world's horniest afterlife, without the one person he would have died to see.
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"You wanna say that in a way that isn't gonna make me worry?" he asks, voice a little wavery.
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"Let's focus on those trousers," he says. "That'll be our goal for tomorrow, all right sweetheart?"
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He'll let out a breath, relaxing a bit more. It's nice to be taken care of sometimes.
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